So this is onset

It’s been a while.

Harder times have come to stay. I have extreme chorea now which I didn’t expect to happen so early. I had to go off a medication that apparently had masked it. I found out that the mood stabilizer I had been taking for 13 years was the reason for my extreme OCD. The buying of houses and cars and food and stuff that I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t be quenched. I learned the lesson that no medicine should ever not be reevaluated.

I can’t take terbenazine because of suicidal side effects.

The movement is untreated then and that’s ok for now.

I am never still.

I have cramping and flapping of my legs most nights during sleep. I’m trying to figure out a way to nip that in the bud.

Before I had weeks and months to research and plan but now the details of the decline require so many competing real-time mental demands that I got tired and frustrated if I don’t just stop what I’m doing. it’s more satisfying to listen to music than to do social media. I’m always looking for the next musician or song to listen to.

It’s going to be tricky figuring out how to cope with every function on the fly.

I’m streamlining the writing and talking and am much happier when I can just sit quietly and be and not have to operate my body. I view it as a coping mechanism rather than a failure or an apathy. what I thought was a wretched doom turns out to be self care.

I’m very happy with my life other than the above. The mountain environment and being able to hang out on the deck with both dogs is satisfying.

The happiness of my marriage has always gone without saying but I am learning that it is important to say things while I can. I miss the kids. At the same time, I find myself with the chance for one on one time with Randy in unlimited supply. And that brings me more happiness than anything ever has or will. I am grateful for every family member and friend who has kept me in their life. I waste no energy worrying about anyone else.

I have an active blog at the Teva Life Effects website where I describe different aspects of HD. That uses the energy that I used to put into blog entries here. Have enjoyed interactions with all of you folks and I wish you peace.