Tag Archives: sleep

Stamina, or lack thereof

Mornings are when I function the best. I work better. I am more likely to leave the house. I am usually in a good mood.

Things have a tendency to change after lunch. At first I thought it was because of the heavy meals I was eating, but then I stopped eating heavy meals and was still pooped after lunch.

Then comes the question: To nap or not to nap? Usually I nap, but sometimes I don’t. Either way, by four o’clock I am spent for the day. Ready to take some prescription to head off the inevitable irritability. My brain is tired and my body doesn’t want to move.

And then everyone comes home.

That’s no way to spend a life, I think. I am spent before I get to be with the people I want most to be with.

And what have I left them with? No dinner. No clean house. No accomplishments to show them.

Only a tired, cranky shell who wants as little stimulation as she can get.

That’s no way to be a mom or a wife.

If only they could go to work and school while I’m sleeping at night, like real world elves.

They could come home and find me at my best, and, because they are elves, they would never be tired or need to sleep.

And we could frolic the way we used to.

It will be just like that split second years ago.

The joyous, resonant moment that I still base my “normal” on.

 

 

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Greetings from oblivion

Bad people are doing mean things in the world.

I sense it only as a faint tugging at my heart.

A feeling of homesickness for a place that never existed.

I hurt like I have been pulled by an angry ocean wave.

I am dazed as if I’m riding a two-day hangover.

I want to see my friends.

I can’t talk to any of them.

I want to be alone.

There is none of me left.

So, even alone, I’m left with no one.

If a fleck of me flickers by, I’ll grab it.

And try to mold it into my game face before it dissipates.

Until then I will pile sleep upon itself.

Folding away the danger of being understood.