Here are some tips to smooth out the rough edges. If only temporarily:
1) please don’t move any of the sacred items from their places. A pen and notepad goes by each place I sit. A crossword puzzle book sits hopefully by the living room seat. It must have a writing implement. There must be a pen in the dining room.
2) leave the phone wherever I left the phone. if it is moved, I will think I have lost it. If I can’t find it then we can call it.
3) do not, under any circumstances, bring me the phone if it is ringing and I am not going towards it. That means I am not capable of a healthy conversation or that I am resting finally. Please do not wake me up and hand me the phone. I can’t get it together fast enough to have a conversation and it is humiliating. Plus I rarely have good sleep these days.
4) do not assume that I don’t need my own car. A little independence goes a long way.
5)if you give me a cash allowance, please do not give it away before I can put it in my wallet.
6) take me for walks around the neighborhood
7) don’t let me forget I am a wife and a mother
7b let there be dates!
8) help me plan out dinners and I will still try to cook them
9) it is getting harder to manage my medicines and I need help.
10) let’s come up with a series of small household projects and do them.
11) I still want to keep private matters private.
12) please don’t push things across the table at me. I have no idea what to do with them and I don’t want a big stack of papers. If I have a big pile of actionable items I will not do them and get stuck.
13) please listen for when I choke and when it happens don’t ask me if I am choking. It only upsets me because I cannot respond
14)please keep me as your wife or your mother with the respective levels of intimacy
15)please take me around town because i like to go out and now is the time
16) please avoid discussion of my HD without me being there. I want to be aware.