I person I trust has told me that I have been manifesting depression and anxiety, not as part of my symptoms, but because of them.
It’s hard to wrap my mind around the fact that a departure from depression and anxiety will reveal that I am functioning better than I thought.
And that my brain is not melting.
I have to cut myself some slack and realize that living at, for example, 75% of my functioning capacity with a good attitude will yield a better me than freaking out over, say, 95%.
During the past week I have learned a little bit about what it takes to get me to do what it takes.
I’ve learned that I need to play a bigger role in my expectations for myself. I have made a schedule for myself consisting of the things I want to do every day that would make me happy.
I was as surprised as any one that I conjured up such a list. It’s a list of things that a happy person living a good, balanced life would do every day.
It is not my visual reminder.
It is not my promise to others.
It is not my tool for self flagellation.
It is something to work toward. I know that there are medicines that must be changed because I am still having difficulty, but I have to make the day to day success my responsibility.
Who else is going to be responsible for it?
If you didn’t listen to WeHaveAVoice’s “All About CAG” radio show, I recommend it. It’s one of those recordings that I will be able to get a lot out of for years to come and I plan to listen to it under a variety of circumstances.
But what Dr. Lange said that spoke to me the most today was that the best thing I can do for myself, as a person with a CAG of 40, is to lead a happy lifestyle and aspire to go to bed each night thinking that the preceding day was pretty good.
I am going to try this approach and while letting the HD do whatever it does.
Sort of like we’re taking a break.