If you knew me in high school or college, no, I am not engaging in any of those antics! Instead,there is a disconnect in my brain that I’ve been noticing, which can be best illustrated by the fact that I used my fingers instead of utensils to fry bacon in hot grease this morning.
The HOPES page on HD behavior symptoms shows in Figure W-2 the way the caudate relays information to the frontal lobes. Two women look in the mirror and think “My hair is long.” The one with the normal brain soon after thinks, “Get a haircut,” while the woman with the impaired brain thinks nothing about it.
I am the second woman.
This morning, to start things off, some of the plastic I had removed from the raw bacon had fallen into the heating pan and I reached for it and grabbed it out before the heat melted it. Then I just continued to use my fingers, because I they were already being used for that purpose, to arrange the raw bacon on the hot, grease-filled pan and to move it around. I used my fingers to rearrange and position the bacon until hot grease was splattering on my face. So I reached into the cabinet and pulled out one of those screens that you put over chicken when it fries. It was only after this point that the thought entered my mind that I needed to use a fork or some tongs to finish cooking the bacon.
Now, a few hours later, I have shiny fingertips where the fingerprints are less pronounced.
This disconnect plays itself out in different ways in my life. I will walk by a piece of trash and not think that I am supposed to pick it up. I will see my stringy hair and not think that I need to wash it.
The odd thing is, I’ve realized that this is going on before, but because the part of my brain that realizes such things is not related to fixing the disconnected part of my brain, I continue to engage in the same risky behavior, or don’t do things that are apparent to others need to be done.
Just because I am aware that my behavior is inappropriate does not mean I can alter that behavior.
But maybe I’ll skip the bacon next time.