Having HD, to me, is a perpetual search through different pieces of life’s little instruction book, aka my brain.
Some days chapters reappear, like the chapter about how to take my meds on time.
Some chapters I avoid reading because they scare me, like how to start dinner.
With other chapters, I see the words fading away and as a result, I can’t understand things I used to be able to understand because I don’t remember how to understand them.
Helping a group make decisions is becoming impossible because whatever chapters that I have to access seem to have been ripped out.
Being on committees is an embarrassment because I don’t have the preparation chapter anymore. Or the chapter about following through on what I said I’d do.
Or remembering what I said I’d do.
Or remembering anything at all.
I realize, too, that I have been using this book as a flotation device.
But more and more, I find myself desperately treading water.
Searching for the chapter on how to stay afloat.