I’ve written, especially in Volume 1, about my propensity for writing angry letters (emails).
Last year I went through a bout of it. I wrote disproportionately angry letters to institutions and I shouldn’t have. After I sent each one, I was horrified and embarrassed.
Those letters and more ushered in the age of Abilify as an anti-psychotic, and it has worked wonders.
One year and fifty pounds later, I have once again written a letter of dissatisfaction but I believe that this one was at least rational.
This letter was written to an organization and it called into question some things that I found objectionable. After I sent the letter to a big group of people, I waited for replies of people agreeing with me.
I called my friend and asked her if she had read the letter, hoping that she would read it and reassure me of its value. She said that she had read it and she thought I had been too direct in the things that I said. She said that I must have felt that way too, otherwise, why would I have called her?
There is a razor’s edge to walk between what is true and what is disease. I know that a little of the disease got into this letter and made it into something that I question whether or not I should have sent. And my heart breaks for people whose feelings I probably hurt by being so direct.
After last year’s spate of letters, the Randy Test was instituted. All of my questionable emails had to go through Randy for a reality check.
I skipped the Randy Test this time, and we are going to reinstitute its use.
But in the meantime, he told me that perhaps it wasn’t such a bad thing to be direct and that perhaps my points needed to be heard.
He said that there’s not a one of us that doesn’t have the right to be heard.
“Sometimes a lamb has to snarl.”