Whatever has had a hold of me for the past few weeks is loosening its grip long enough for me to begin to let myself peek out again.

Today I took a long, much needed shower. I put on clean clothes and put the clothes I had been wearing for a week in the laundry.

I went to the drugstore and bought makeup for the first time in twenty years. I bought eye liner and mascara, promising myself that I will wear it when I don’t think I might be crying. I have not put any on yet.

I also bought a round brush and a fat curling iron and I smoothed and curled my frizzy gray and black hair, so now I look more like other people.

Then, emboldened, I drove over to a couple of bars to pick up their music schedules for an article I’m writing. As I left each bar (sober as hell) and made my way to my car, I smiled as I staggered and brushed against the other cars.

To top things off, tonight my family is going to another family’s house for dinner. I am a little nervous about it because I fear the topic will turn to how I’ve been doing.

But my son pointed out that our host has only 9 toes, so maybe we can focus on that instead of my HD.


One thought on “Abatement

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