A person whose opinion I respect as being honest told me what nobody else wants to say:
My symptoms are getting worse.
Before now, I had been going around, complaining about my symptoms to everyone, as I tend to do. I try to make it more like communicating what is going on with me to my loved ones, but it must get old…
Anyway, everyone always has an answer for me that is A truth. My friends are not liars. Still, nobody has been telling me THE truth.
Yesterday I was at Target, and I walked up to an employee and asked him if the store had any Chromebooks. It sounded like this:
“Yowlghadda…” Long pause while I have aphasia and the store clerk wrinkles his brow.
“Cromebook” I spit it out like old chewing gum. To me it was one of those OMG moments, but the person with me later said that I noticed when I had speech problems more than other people did. That is A truth.
But it is not THE truth: that I am becoming harder to understand, I initiate fewer conversations, and I can’t summon words when I need to speak them. And that’s just speech. There is much much more than I want to consider this afternoon.
After I was told THE truth, I cried a little bit. Because it is a constant grieving process, isn’t it? To lose parts of one’s brain.
But now I feel lighter and a little more relaxed because I know that-on top of simply having my HD symptoms-I am not imagining their progression.
It is one less layer of uncertainty to peel away.