Yesterday I was agitated, reactive and wanted to act impulsively. In a couple of instances, I did act impulsively and inappropriately. I was either in other people’s business or I wanted to jump into other people’s business in both positive and negative ways. The intensity to act was strong all day. I am grateful that I did not cause more damage.
I could not take a nap to re-set myself, and when the real bedtime came around, I just lay there, twitching and seething all the more because I was twitching. I had to text my husband, who was downstairs watching a movie with our son.
“I need you,” I said.
In a flash he was there. I told him about specific things I had been perseverating about all day. I told him that breathing exercises weren’t calming me down and, in fact, I was only getting more wound up. After exhausting our playbook of ways to calm me, we decided that it was best to give me a pill that would make me sleep.
So we drugged me. Today I don’t feel agitated and impulsive the way I did yesterday, but I’ve been worried. What if it happens again? What if it gets worse? What if it becomes the new norm? We can’t just knock me unconscious whenever things go south. I’ll require professional intervention.
I will probably set up some parameters for my own good, and for the well-being of people I come into contact with. Like before I act on the impulse to say something that I really want to say, I will check it out with Randy first.
But I’m noticing that when I’m agitated, I seek interaction.
I recognize the irony in blogging a post for you to read about my struggle in staying out of your business. But I will still poke my nose in far enough to ask:
Has anyone out there had the same experience?